Real Love

What is Real Love? Is there one?
I searched for it and I found some definitions, explanations and I've pasted snippets from here and there -

We all want to feel loved. We think about it, hope for it, fantasize about it, go to great lengths to achieve it, and feel that our lives are incomplete without it. The lack of unconditional love is the cause of most of our anger and confusion. It is no exaggeration to say that our emotional need for unconditional love is just as great as our physical need for air and food.

We can feel loved only when it is freely, unconditionally given to us. The instant we do anything at all to win the approval or respect of other people—with what we say, what we do, how we look—we are paying for the attention and affection we receive, and we can’t feel genuinely loved.

Unconditional love—true love—is so different from the kind of love most of us have known all our lives that it deserves both a name—Real Love—and definition of its own: Real Love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. It’s also Real Love when other people care about our happiness unconditionally. It is not Real Love when other people like us for doing what they want. Under those conditions we’re just paying for love again. We can be certain that we’re receiving Real Love only when we make foolish mistakes, when we fail to do what other people want, and even when we get in their way, but they don’t feel disappointed or irritated at us. That is Real Love (true unconditional love), and that love alone has the power to heal all wounds, bind people together, and create relationships quite beyond our present capacity to imagine.

If we don’t have enough Real Love in our lives, the resulting emptiness is unbearable. We then compulsively try to fill our emptiness with whatever feels good in the moment—money, anger, sex, alcohol, drugs, violence, power, and the conditional approval of others. Anything we use as a substitute for Real Love becomes a form of Imitation Love, and although Imitation Love feels good for a moment, it never lasts and never gives us the feeling of genuine happiness that Real Love provides.

You should be able to share your mistakes, flaws, and fears—they can finally see you as you really are. They can accept you and give you unconditional love, as indicated in this simple diagram:
Truth ->Seen-> Accepted-> Loved

How true it is in reality? Are there people who really have unconditional love? I don't know.

-I believe mother's love is unconditional and I have also heard of mothers who give their child for adoption, leave them in garbages.
-Men and women fall in love and they believe, its true love. These people have an unconditional love for their parents and for their mate(lover). When it comes to choosing one, the stronger love or the blind love wins. I have seen many young people leave parents who cared for 20 odd years and go with the person they knew for few days/months/years and there are few young people who feel they just cannot hurt their parents or leave them and so they sacrifice their lover. In some cases, there are people who fight for both and they win.

It all depends on us. Who do you want? Who do you really love? Without whom you cannot live...

Filmi Style

At the end of my last year in college, me and my friend were attending some HR program in Nungambakkam. End of the day we had taken a bus to Adyar, us sitting in the last seat of the bus and I had the window seat. There was this young guy, standing near the footboard and looking at me. I kept looking here and there and I felt his eyes on me. I slowly told my friend and she was watching him and adviced me to look at him too. And so this guy smiles every time our eyes met and I try avoiding his eyes. Finally at Teynampet, he got down but after getting down, he turned, caught me looking at him (like the movie RUN) and he smiled and I smiled. I was a bit scared, if he would get into the bus again....

The next day on a bus from Nungambakkam to Mylapore. In a window seat, in the middle of the bus. Another good looking guy, he wore a white shirt, standing near the front footboard, was looking at me. Again I avoid meeting his eyes and tell my friend and she was excited because he looked good and asked me to look at him too(sight adichify). I look here and there and look at him, he smiles. This happened for some time and he had to get down. He gets down, looks at me and smiles and I smile and the bus takes off...

If only it was a film, the girl and guy would have met again in the same bus, in the same route, at the same time for the following days or they would have met in some other place and eventually fallen in love...

Fortunately or not it wasn't a film, here I am after 5 years and I remember those incidents and wonder why I smiled at them - complete strangers who were "sight" seeing... I wonder if those guys came the next day, at the same time, caught the same bus and expected me to be there!!! I know,I should stop watching a lot of movies... :)

Abuse...

The child is a helpless victim. They wont even know what is happening to them, and it is even more horrible if their own loved ones abuse them.
I have read about this issue in so many places, and people say it happens everywhere - So? Should I just be happy that every other child goes through this? When will people learn? When will they learn to control the animal emotions and urges in them?? There are people who just dont stop doing this until they go to the grave.
I have a friend, who was asked by her own father? WTF? I also know someone who was abused by her immediate uncles. Poor parents had left the children, thinking the uncle will take care, but never knew how he would take care..
There was a girl who was raped by her own brother. Can't these people see their sisters, daughters, cousins are like their mother and give respect? Will they behave the same way with their mother?? (I'm even ashamed to ask such a question but cant help it)
I have read articles, where mother likes the son in law, man likes his sister in law and I have even read about man having sex with a hen! I feel like gagging even now... Is this what they say "the animal in a man"?

I had undergone abusal and have never known what it was till I reached a age when I understood what is sex, what is sexual abuse etc. We always had men working in our house. I should have been 3 yrs old, but even now I remember the incidents, the places where this guy who was taking care of me took and did what he had to do. There was another guy, who would touch my private parts and I always kept escaping from him.

I dont know about US, but in India, some men are horrible. A girl cannot travel in public transports. My friend got her private parts pinched while she was getting out of a bus. Crowded bus, is congested for some, but heaven for others. The way the men press against the female, you feel like slapping them. Once when I was travelling in a crowded bus (didnt have a choice after waiting for 1hr for bus), there were 2 men pressing there hardened body parts against my back and my side. I moved and moved and there was another guy who took his turn. I moved to the foot board and they will not leave me alone even there and finally got down from that damn bus. Once I stamped a guy hard when he was trying to become inseparable behind me in a public bus.

Mumbai local trains are even more horrible. When you come out of the train, you even doubt if you were just raped by many. There will be so many hands on you, so many eyes ... You might want to wear a body gear made of metal, which doesnt curve anywhere, but just a box from top to bottom.

Even in US I have read about small girls, being raped, killed and left in sewages, garbages etc. A teacher molesting the kid etc It just happens everywhere. I dont know when this will stop....

I am an Addict

Addict: To occupy (oneself) with or involve (oneself) in something habitually or compulsively.
This is the meaning.

I'm addicted to few things.

Novels: I read novels which has a little bit of romance in it. When I'm almost in the middle/half way through the book, I hardly can stop myself. I keep reading, reading till 3 or 4 am, or just decide to finish the book and take off the next day, I read when I have my breakfast and go late to office. College days, I could read a book in one day, start in the evening and finish by 4am, novels with 375 pages or so...
Since this happens when I start reading a novel, I have limited to one novel a week (trying to control myself).

Games: When I'm bored, I play on yahoo games or some other downloaded games. I just cannot stop. I keep saying, this will be the last, but I would have played another 10 games. Last night I slept at 1 am.

Movies : Sometimes I start watching a movie, if its interesting I just have to finish it. Weekends I see atleast 3 movies. I start watching them only after 8pm!!!

Places of Interest

I love to travel and would like to see new places. I havent seen much, but would like to see as many as I could. And here goes my wish list:

India:
Delhi
Mumbai
Agra
Munaar
Shimla

World:
San Francisco
Disney Land, CA
Disney Land, Fl
Utah
Grand Canyon
Niagara Falls
New York
Brazil - Redeemer
Washington DC
Colorado
Mexico
Australia
Egypt - Pyramids
Rome -Colosseum
Paris
London
Switzerland
Singapore
Malaysia
Jerusalem

If possible travel to all the 50 states in US -

already touch based on
1.Illinois
2.Arizona
3.Nevada
4.California
5.Massachusetts
6.Colorado
7.Missouri
8.Wisconsin

Hope my wish comes true....

Raghuvaran the fine actor...

Even when I see the photos of his funeral, he looked handsome with beard and looked like he was sleeping. I liked his acting a lot in movies like Raja Chinna Roja, Baatsha, Arunachalam, Love Today, Mugavari, Mudhalvan, Samsaaram Adhu Minsaaram, Amarkalam, Roja Koottam, Sivaji -The Boss, Bheema... I was so happy to see him back in Sivaji.

He is gone and there is his mom, dad, ex wife and son crying over him. Movie stars pay homage. If only he was not an addict, life would have been different for him. My heart goes out to people who are addicted to alcohol and drugs, they just dont realize what they are doing. They completely go into another world. Some even try to come out but they just cannot.

May his soul rest in peace. Amen

My Passion/Interests...

Do I have one? Or is it too many? Many times I have concluded I'm just unbalanced! I love to learn and do a lot of things and have learnt quite a bit - here and there, that is my problem I guess.

I've been brought up as a strong girl (or I made myself look strong). So any boyish activities to a certain extent - I will be happy to do. Today on my way to the office, saw 2 men on their motor bikes and I missed riding my dad's bike. I really hope one day, I will own a motor bike. There are lots of advantages and fun commuting in a bike compared to a car. The bike people, just go between cars and go on and on. No traffic jam will stop them. They always have a tiny gap. But they need to be prepared for any weather conditions and the only other thing I'm scared is - you will easily get killed :(

I love to draw. I didn't go through any special classes or didn't master any specific kind of drawing. For school drawing competition, as per the requirements, I would just learn and draw - pencil drawing, painting etc. You can always see me scribbling/drawing something when I'm on phone or bored. I was a biology student, so always loved doing my record work - the cockroach, frog, mitochondria, T.S of root/leaf/stem, pelvic bone, femur, digestive system, eye - retina, cerebrum, my favourite heart diagram..... Now I want to try one stroke painting, but don't want to try for one day and just leave it untouched for the rest of the days.

I love playing and watching basket ball. Like everything else never specialised in one sport. I've played badminton, tennikoit, kho kho, short put, discuss throw, basket ball, kabadi, ball badminton, throw ball, street cricket and foot ball (soccer) with bunch of my friends (guys). Being the reserved type I am, people are in for surprises when they see me equally playing soccer with the guys!

I learnt keyboard. I used to play in church, school, in college and then I stopped. Suddenly when I listen to some song or when I'm in the mood, I miss my keyboard. I'm even tempted to buy one!

I learnt classical dance - bharathanatyam. The days when I learnt, I didnt have any passion, but now I do when its already late. 2 hours of dance practice during weekends, the programs we did, how we used to choreograph for christian songs and perform in church, religious functions etc. Those are really sweet proud memories. I can be graceful while performing classical dance and become a theru koothu girl, dancing for movie songs.

I have a little liking to do some art work, which keeps changing every now and then. I would knit woollen clothes and then would switch to doing bead work and then would do nothing! Thats me!

Well I know I should be thankful and proud for what I am today. I thank my music and dance gurus - who were very sincere in their job. Above all I'm grateful to my parents. Its cos of them, I am what I am.